Matthew. Emma. William. Paul

Matthew. Emma. William. Paul

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

My (Son's) Strange Addiction.

Have any of you ever watched the T.V show "My Strange Addiction" on TLC?

If you have, I probably think less of you. I haven't watched it but I have been exposed to some horrifying trailers that make me think less of man-kind. Now however,  I might be forced to watch... when someone comes to interview me for the show.

"So Emma, Where do you think you went wrong as a Mother?"

Sobbing... "I just don't understand. He started out as a normal baby.  I did bathe him every day. I had read not to do it every night because their skin could dry out but ... hiccup...he just liked it so much. I followed all the precautions! I even bought all natural soaps and lotions from health food stores for his sensitive skin.

"So, what you're saying is, you deliberately exposed your son to exotic and expensive soaps at an early age?"

"It wasn't like that!"

"I see... well how else would attribute William's sick obsession to ingest soap?!!"


Okay so that is an over exaggeration but it is concerning none the less. They say the first step in overcoming a problem is to admit it. My son eats soap. WHY?!!

More importantly what am I going to wash his mouth out with as a threat?

Not that any sane person would ever do that these days.

Fact: William will play with any and all soap containers. He prefers pump bottles which I didn't see any harm in (he doesn't push them down) until I saw him sucking the soap up like a straw.

One day while I was getting ready, William followed me into the bathroom. The bathroom is usually a strict baby-free zone with the exception of bath-time or brushing teeth. He stood up at the tub, grabbed his baby soap, and started playing with it. Because it didn't have a pump and I thought he wasn't strong enough to unscrew the top, I left the bathroom. I had one minute left of getting ready- apply some mascara and leave... he would be okay. I returned to find the lid off and two thirds of the bottles contents on the floor, bath mat, and ALL OVER William. Most alarming? He was eating it. My son who cried when I gave him a home made french fry was eating soap. Where is the reason??!!

Because I don't have any pictures of William eating soap (I'm usually correcting this behavior and not taking the time to grab the camera) You'll have to settle on some tub time photos

Any other soap lovers out there? Support groups? Imitation soap supplements that are high in nutritional value?

Bad Manners!

You know those moments where you let yourself down. When you say something that you instantly regret. You wish you could take it back but it's already out there. Floating in the air right in front of you. Mocking you. 
Vocabulary:  "Bahaha Dufas"
Your pride:   "Crap"

As a Canadian living in America I can tell you that overall Canadians and Americans look similar. Sure shapes, sizes and styles vary but I'm sure I pass as an american on a daily basis.  With the exception of Sunday, when I was asked if I was European- I took it as a fashion complement. Thank you. 

Growing up in a tourist town we got pretty good at picking out the Americans. The ones wearing eagle shirts with strips were a dead give away and almost too easy to be fun. Then there were the also obvious however less patriotically dressed Americans. These were those who could be heard complaining about the expensive prices, small portion sizes or laughing at the Toonie and trying to decipher between the one and two dollar coins . 
 The point of this post is not to make fun of Americans... All though I really enjoy it. I can say that because I have a green card. The point is to publicly display my verbal blunder. You see the sure fire way to spot out an American in Canada is the phrase, "huh?" Canadians use phrases like, "Pardon me?" "Excuse me?" "I'm sorry?" "What was that?" NEVER would you hear a Canadian utter "HUH?!" in a rude/hick way.

Unless you're me. I'm embarrassed and shamed to admit. I said it. Please someone take me back to Canada so I can remember my manners before I start saying crazy things like y'all. Gross. 

To all of my Canadians, please forgive me.